How to handle tough conversations at work

Written by Alison Hill

Do you work with people? Okay, that sounds like a crazy question because the answer I'm sure is, €˜of course'. Your role is undoubtedly reliant on your ability to connect with and influence others. It's therefore inevitable that you will have to have tough conversations at work. There'll be differences of opinions, behaviours that come out of left field, and emotions that will surface that will require conversations that aren't easy but have to happen.

For leaders and organisations looking to build strong workplace cultures investing in improving the skills in achieving results from these inevitable tough conversations is necessary. Workplaces of the future will be seeking more than ever individuals who have the skills to have tough conversations. So, how do you handle tough conversations?

Firstly, it's important to know what the tough conversations are for you. The style of conversation that is tough is different for everyone. For some, the tough conversation is having to address poor performance at work, for others they find that conversation is okay, but they're challenged by how to deal with someone who's crying in their office. Being clear on what conversations are tough for you will help to hone your skills.

Achieving success in the tough conversations starts before you even enter the room. Walking into a tough conversation filled with heightened emotions is dangerous. Alternatively, turning up to a conversation feeling centred, aware of why the conversation is important, and with enough time to talk through issues gives a stronger platform for the conversation to go well. As you step into the tough conversation, recognise that you may not feel completely comfortable or confident. Know that's okay. These conversations are tough because you care about the person and about the outcome, but you can centre emotions to be able to talk through the issue.

Use Behaviour-Based Language

As you begin the conversation, repeat this maxim to yourself: there are no difficult people, there are only difficult behaviours that can be changed. During the conversation focus on key behaviours rather than generalisations. The conversational waters are muddied by €˜traits' that could mean different things to different people. For instance, €˜courtesy' could mean greeting with a smile and a nod to one party, but it could insight visions of firm handshakes to another. Behavioural change €“ which is so often the aim of tough conversations €“ relies on a shared understanding of what specifically needs to be change. Both parties need clarity on what new behaviours are required into the future.

Use a Visual Medium

Where you direct the conversation has an impact on how personal the other party receives the information. The old adage of €˜tell €˜em to their face' will result in defensiveness quickly, especially if it's a heated issue. Instead direct the conversation to a visual medium. It could be a whiteboard, or a report; regardless, using a visual medium allows you to depersonalise the conversation. Even having a walk and talk conversation allows you to direct the conversation to the path in front of you both.

Be Courageous

In the HR world €˜tough conversations' might be BAU, but the fact remains these difficult conversations take courage. Tackling the tough stuff is an act of bravery based on deliberate decisions that require careful planning. Remember to give yourself a break, and not to beat yourself up even if the conversation didn't go as well as you hoped. Instead, take a moment to reflect and think about how you can prepare for next time. Because, even if it wasn't your first conversation€¦it's very unlikely to be your last.