Make Friends at Work: Why You Should Turn Your Colleagues into Best Friends

Do you consider yourself to be good friends with your co-workers? The answer to this question could determine how much overall happiness and satisfaction you have at work.

Throughout my career the best places that I have worked are workplaces where I have had friends, whether they be direct reports, co-workers or people I have reported to.

While General Manager People at Fulton Hogan I had the privilege of calling all my direct reports and a great many of my colleague's friends. When I left the company in 2016 these are the people that a missed, particularly the day to day interaction. There was a great sense of camaraderie, which certainly helped make Fulton Hogan a Great Place to Work. I keep in contact with them on a regular basis.

Over the summer I read psychologist Ron Friedman's book The Best Place to Work: The Art and Science of Building an Extraordinary Workplace. In this book he explores the many ways companies and employees can work together to build smarter, happier, and more productive work spaces.

One key factor he discovered is making friends at work.

We often think of our "work life" and "social life" as separate. Work is for business, leisure is for socialising. We view our co-workers as people who we must deal with, not people who we'd like to have a lasting friendship with.

However, according to one recent study having "informal relationships" at work can improve job satisfaction, organisational commitment, and lower turnover rates. And another study discovered workplace friendships can improve perceived job significance and intrinsic motivation.

When we're working with friends, we're naturally more motivated to do our jobs better. Because we're not just trying to earn a pay cheque, we're also collaborating with people who we don't want to let down.

There is growing evidence that companies and employees should invest more time and energy in building meaningful friendships between co-workers.

First, there are great costs to loneliness and isolation at work that companies often ignore. These feelings can quickly become toxic and draining for employees, which only saps from both their happiness and productivity.

A very revealing study by The Academy of Management shows that feelings of loneliness at work can have a wide range of negative effects including: decreased motivation, decreased communication with co-workers, and decreased contribution to their group.

Naturally having friends at work will help decrease these feelings of loneliness. Even something as simple as a good person to talk with during your lunch break can have a significant effect on your happiness levels at work.

How to Make Friends at Work

• Greet people and say "hi"€“ Start with the basics. Often giving people a simple "Good morning" or "How are you?" is enough to show them that you acknowledge their existence €“ and that can mean a lot to someone. Don't underestimate the power of 10 second relationships €“ a little positive attention can go a long way, especially if it's someone who you see on a daily basis.
• Practice basic good manners€“ If you must follow any single rule at work, let it be this: just don't be a jerk. Simply choosing to be "pleasant" (respectful, tolerant, silent) vs. "not pleasant" (disrespectful, rude, disruptive) can make a big difference in workplace relationships. Understand that everyone has stressful days, and it's best to not add to it if you can help it. For good workplace etiquette, check out the advice in good manners in the 21st century.
• Go beyond "small talk"€“ Small talk is fine for casual acquaintances but connecting with people at a deeper level means getting to know more about what makes them tick and what their story is. Don't be afraid to ask personal questions every now and then: "How's the family?" / "What was your favourite childhood movie?" / "What's a place you've always wanted to visit?" Learn the difference between small talk vs. big questions, and slowly push the boundaries of your conversations to get to know people better.
• Know how to defuse heated situations€“ There's always potential for disagreements and conflict in any social setting, and relationships at work are certainly no different. A healthy social atmosphere at work means knowing how to defuse heated arguments and not let things escalate out of control. This often means knowing how to "keep your cool" and being able to approach problems at work without taking anything too personally.
• Practice improvisation€“ When it comes to building social skills, improvisation can be an excellent way to improve your ability to hold a conversation and keep it interesting. Check out these improvisation exercises to get started. They will train you how to think better "on the fly" and never run out of new things to say. Many comedians and actors do similar exercises to improve their communication and craft.
• Minimize complaining€“ Since work can be an inherently stressful place, we often fall into the trap of using it as an excuse to complain about everything. Co-workers can often go into unconscious battles of, "Who has it worse?" as a way to justify their bad moods to others. This doesn't include just complaining about work stuff, it could also mean complaining to your co-workers about family issues, romantic troubles, and other personal problems. Sharing personal information can be healthy, but sometimes we have to step back and ask ourselves, "do I talk about my problems too much?"
• Find opportunities to socialize€“ Many workplaces create opportunities to socialise with co-workers, whether they be holiday parties, company barbecues, group classes, or just meeting for a few drinks at the bar. Of course, you can never force people to become friends, but companies can create the right environment to foster more socializing, such as creating nice common areas like food courts, gyms, and leisure rooms. If your workplace offers opportunities to socialize more, it's a good idea to take advantage of them.

Do you have any good friends at work? If the answer is no, you may want to try out these suggestions to make yourself more friendly and social at the workplace. These connections are incredibly importation to our overall happiness and productivity at work.

Tony McCabe CFHRINZ is the Owner/Director of AJM Workplace Solutions Limited, an organisation that aims to make New Zealand a Great Place to Work.

Tony can be contacted on 0272928357 or email [email protected] discuss the benefits of the Great Place to Work model in your organisation.